Written by Ruth Greenspan (MSW, RSW)
As we move into the month of December, people are inodiated with Christmas music, advertisements, stories of “The Holidays”.
This is one of the loneliest times of the year for those who do not have family to be with, those who are grieving, and/or lost loved ones (human and fur babies), and those where the holiday was never safe and comfortable with family or people in the home.
For others where Christmas is a more positive experience, there is the stress of having the perfect dinner, the perfect party, buying the perfect gifts. It is also made more difficult if money is tight and what you want and what you can afford are not the same.
So what do you do at this time of year? Do you pretend all is okay and come up with reasons to miss the parties and events? Do you spend anyways and worry about the bills later? And what about those who do not celebrate Christmas, for religious reasons or personal reasons?
Suggestions from a therapist:
It is okay to say no. You do not have to attend the parties and get togethers if you are not up to it.
Before you are going to an obligatory event, try a positive-negative-positive sandwich.
Go do something you want first, something that makes you feel zen, and at peace. Then attend
the event you are feeling obligated to go to. After the event, do an activity that makes you feel good.
Try to delegate more if you are having events and dinners. Take the help that people are offering. It is okay not to do everything yourself. Try to get outside and spend some time walking, running, or exercising. A balance of mind, body and spirit is helpful.
For gift exchanges, pick names to cut down costs, try not to buy for everyone. Try homemade gifts. Think about services that can you give people. One free dog walk for example. Things that do not cost.
Try to reach out to friends and loved ones who make you feel positive about yourself. Do something together that is not Christmas related.
Plan to honour the deceased in a way that works for you. You may want to go to the cemetery, or a place that was special for you. Have a special drink the person liked.
I plan to have a London Fog Tea for my friend Kimberly who recently passed.
Reach out to a therapist or a crisis line to get the support you need.
You are not alone.